wanda1969

Title: “My Man Ianto”
Author: wanda1969

Betaed by janiemc

Prompt: “My Man Godfrey” (1936)
Pairing(s): Jack/Ianto. Other characters: Owen Harper, Rhys Williams, Donna Noble, John Hart
Rating: PG13
Warnings: Again, I can’t think of anything offensive in here...
Spoilers: Spoilers for the film My Man Godfrey- none for Torchwood that I can think of.
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood or My Man Godfrey, the plots and characters of which belong to their respective writers. I am just borrowing the characters and putting them in the film.

Summary: One night rich layabout Jack Harkness meets a young man down on his luck, and offers him the job of family butler....

If you haven’t seen the film and want to, it’s available on imdb My Man Godfrey

“My Man Ianto”

Chapter 2

Ianto ran a hand through his hair and then pulled at the hem of his jacket in an effort to smooth out any creases, and reached forward to press doorbell at the Harkness mansion. He’d spent the day before at the barber’s shop having a haircut and wet shave, before heading out to the shops in an effort to make sure that he fitted the role of Harkness family butler.

He’d also done his best to research the Harknesses. Father- Jack Harkness Senior, American, family originally made their money in the nineteenth century in Copper and mineral mining in South America. Son- Jack Harkness Junior, mother deceased, no occupation listed anywhere. Mr Harkness’ second wife- Welsh, heavily involved in various arts and charities committees, daughter, Gwen, from a previous marriage; again there were no details of any form of occupation.

He was wondering idly whether Jack Harkness would remember his “butle-ing” job offer, when the door opened.

He was greeted by a red-headed woman who looked him up and down, silently giving him a quick once over.

“Good morning,” he greeted.

“And who are you?”

“I’m the new butler...”

“I should have guessed,” she interrupted tiredly in a London accent, gesturing for him to enter. “There’s a new one every bloody day here.”

“Why? I guess they’re pretty exacting,” he said as he grabbed his suitcase and stepped in looking around the hallway.

“No, no. They’re that barmy- most staff last until lunchtime before they do a runner.”

“Oh, can I be frank?”

Before Ianto had time to continue the redhead was speaking again. “Is that your name?”

“No- I think you misunderstand. My name’s Ianto. And yours is...?”

“I see...Oh right, I’m Donna, the housekeeper. Anyway, go on, then- be frank.”

“Jack Harkness offered me the post on Saturday night. Asked me to be here on Sunday morning. I’ve got to admit I have no idea what the set-up is; I do have quarters, I take it?”

“Yeah- but I wouldn’t worry about that. Just leave your bags by the door- I give you until midday. Either you’ll run screaming from this place or you’ll be sacked! As for the set-up, there’s also a maid and a gardener, but they don’t live in.” Ianto raised his eyebrows as she continued. “Ok, ok, come downstairs with me- I’d say it’s about time for your first job of the day. It may about time for the breakfast duties to start, but you can never tell with this lot.”

The Harkness family certainly weren’t early risers, Ianto thought, as he followed and looked at his wristwatch- it was now 9.30 in the morning.

***

“So they really didn’t tell you what you were in for?” smiled Donna, as Ianto attended to the Gaggia coffee machine in the corner of the kitchen.

“Like I said, it was only Saturday when I was offered the job.”

“ Well at least you seem to be able to find your way ‘round the coffee machine- I could never make head nor tail of it.”

Ianto smiled, winking at the housekeeper. “Coffee- it’s my secret weapon.”

Whatever Donna was going to respond with was cut short as the buzzer on the wall went off, and a light next to the words ‘Bedroom- Mrs Harkness’ illuminated.

“Here we go!” Donna laughed. “You’d better get Mrs Harkness’ tomato juice and add some Worcestershire sauce- nothing like an irritant- or else I’ll win my bet: you- Out of here by twelve!”

Ianto just smiled as he reached for the refrigerator and took out a carton of tomato juice and an egg, before searching the nearby cupboards until he found what he was looking for- a bottle of Jamaican scotch bonnet Tabasco sauce. He quickly searched the cupboards for the next ingredients: sprinkles of freshly ground black pepper, sea salt and cayenne, a dash of Stolinchaya vodka and a dash of Worcestershire sauce. Within seconds he’d assembled and mixed the lot and poured it into a glass. Almost before Donna had time to blink, the glass had been placed on a platter along with a coffee cup, a bowl of sugar and a small jug of milk. Ianto poured a small pot of coffee added it to the tray and headed swiftly out of the kitchen, turning briefly.

“So where do I find her?”

“First floor- second door on the left. Happy landings, Ianto! Be prepared- she always sees pixies after a heavy night.”

***

Ianto made his way up the stairs as he pondered exactly why he’d accepted Jack Harkness’ offer of a job. Curiosity certainly played a part, but he had to admit he’d been getting more than a little bored of his life. He smiled to himself; this could prove to be an interesting distraction for the time being.

He found himself outside Mrs Harkness’ bedroom door and schooled his features into what he imagined to be his best ‘professional Butler’ face before knocking. He heard a whimper from inside and, moving a little closer, heard a mumbled “Come in.”

Ianto entered the bedroom. The curtains were still drawn and as he looked around he could see the lady of the house lying in bed. He could also hear an annoying jingling sound- a sound which Mrs Harkness was obviously not enjoying.

“Oh my God! You’ve got to stop them!”

“Stop what ma’am?”

“The pixies- they just keep playing the same tune. Always the same tune over and over again! Send them away- quietly,” she groaned.

“Aah. I think we may be able to fix that for you, madam,” he said as he put down the tray on the bedside table and then moved towards the jingling sound, which was coming from over near the window. He drew back the curtains (another small whimper came from the bed) and spied the source of the noise- a set of wind chimes hanging in the bay window. He reached out and gently stilled the chimes and then unhooked them and placed them on the nearby dressing table.

“Oh! That’s better; now if they’d just stop dancing in my head, too,” she said looking over to him. She raised herself a little as she tried to focus on Ianto. “Who are you? And can you stop jumping about?”

Ianto was standing perfectly still; perhaps it’s time for that tomato juice, he reflected.

“We met on Friday night, Mrs Harkness...”

“Aaah...were you with Mrs Wotsit’s party...?”

“No, Mrs Harkness. I’m Ianto,” he replied as he moved towards the bedside table and handed her the glass of juice. “I’m the forgotten man from the scavenger hunt. I was offered a position here.”

“I thought you had a beard? Where’s the beard? And what’s this?” she said as she looked down at the drink in her hand.

“That’s pixie remover.”

“Oh...I just drink it?”

“Yes, Just drink it, ma’am, and the dancing pixies will go away.”

Mrs Harkness took a sip, her eyes widening as she took several mouthfuls of the tomato juice down as Ianto watched for a moment.

“Aah...the pixies seem to have stopped!” She smiled and placed the glass on the bedside table; she’d left a small amount of the drink in the glass. “I’d better not have any more, in case you go away, too.”

“And to complete the cure, we have coffee,” the butler said pouring her a cup. “Do you take milk and sugar?”

“Not this early in the morning.”

“Excellent- that certainly beats Donna’s usual efforts! I’m feeling much better. Thank you, Ianto,” she nodded, effectively dismissing him.

“Thank you, Mrs Harkness.” The Welshman turned and made his way out of the room and back to the kitchen to find Donna smiling a little smugly.

“You can make your way out the front way...”

Ianto smiled back at her, “Oh, I’ve not been sacked yet- in fact, I seem to have sent the pixies away. Mrs Harkness was most grateful.”

The housekeeper looked surprised. “Well, you seem to have passed the first test of the day but Gwen won’t be so easy- she’s next on the list, and she’s got a foul temper first thing in the morning.”

“I bet she has,” he thought thinking back to Friday night.

The young man assembled another tray of drinks and headed back upstairs, this time to Gwen’s room and knocked on the door. He heard a shout of “What?!” before heading inside the darkened bedroom.

Unfortunately, on this occasion he wasn’t welcomed warmly or otherwise.

“What the hell do you want? Get out! I’m trying to sleep!”

“I’ve just brought your juice and coffee, Miss. I’ll just leave it here for you,” he whispered as he placed the tray on the nearest occasional table, before hurrying out of the room, narrowly dodging the pillow thrown at him from the direction of Gwen’s bed.

“See, not that easy is it, Butler boy?” Donna laughed as he came down the stairs to find her standing holding Jack’s breakfast tray. “I could hear her shouting from down here.”

Ianto shrugged with a slight smile on his lips. “I don’t know. That’s a 50 per cent success rate so far; surely I get an opportunity to at least make it two out of three?”

“Oh, yeah, it’s Mr Harkness Jnr next, Jack. Now he’s a little more...insidious. The room at the end of the landing. You won’t have to bother with old Mr Harkness, he’s got the common sense to get out of the house and away from the rest of them as early as possible for a round of golf. So I’ll leave your things by the door,” she grinned and passed the tray to Ianto. She had to admire the young Butler’s perseverance. Most staff never made it through a Sunday morning in the Harkness household. The family was batty at the best of times, but Sunday morning (and its attendant hangovers) were usually enough to finish off the strongest willed member of staff.

Ianto climbed up the stairs and as he walked along the landing he remembered back to Friday night; Jack Harkness had seemed genial if a little overfriendly and earnest, not to mention acting without thinking things through- who else would employ a down and out as a butler only an hour after meeting them? He was confident that the other man would be no trouble at all.

He entered Jack’s room, to see a prone form completely covered by the duvet.

Coughing, Ianto spoke and placed the breakfast on a small table. “Good morning, Sir. I’ve brought your coffee.”

The body turned over and a pair of hands appeared from under the quilt and pushed it back to reveal Jack Harkness staring at him in sleepy confusion.

“Are you the new butler?”

“Of course, Sir.”

Jack pushed himself up into a sitting position and looked him up and down. “What happened to Ianto?”

“I am Ianto, Sir.”

Jack grinned as he reached for the coffee pot and poured himself a cup. “Ok, what happened to the beard?”

“I shaved, Sir. I’m sure you’ve heard of shaving?”

Mr Harkness Jnr nodded and took a swig of the coffee. “Wow! This is exactly what I need first thing in the morning! I’d forgotten about those lovely Welsh vowels....and I have to say I approve of the suit. Now why don’t you sit down?” He patted the side of the bed.

“I’m not sure that would be proper...”

“Of course it would. If you’re standing up I’ll feel all uncomfortable and if I’m uncomfortable I’ll forget what I’m saying, and then you’ll feel uncomfortable, too.”

Ianto wasn’t sure about the idea at all- Jack Harkness clearly didn’t believe in pyjamas, and he couldn’t help himself from admiring the man’s well toned chest and arms. He averted his gaze as best he could and moved to sit on the very edge of the bed.

“Well, I have to say this is all very thrilling,” Jack said as he reached past the butler to grab the plate of toast. I’ve never been a mentor before. You’re not an artist or anything are you? John- that’s my stepmum’s protégé- he’s an artist. Well, he says he is...I have my doubts.”

“I’m afraid not...”

“Never mind!” Jack mumbled through a mouthful of toast. “I reckon there’re quite a few responsibilities attached to this mentoring stuff. It’s gonna be fun!”

“Not all fun, Sir. I have responsibilities, too; if I don’t do my job well it could reflect badly on you, and we wouldn’t want that would we? So I’d best get on with my work.” Ianto replied standing up.

“I think I’m gonna enjoy this, Ianto. I get to be responsible for you. Very nice, and I really love the suit.”

“I think that could be harassment, Sir...”

Ianto noticed the arched eyebrow and slight smirk on the other man’s face as took another drink of coffee and stared over at the butler. It was definitely time to make a quick getaway.

“Well, I’ll leave you to your breakfast, Sir”.

With that he swiftly left the room and closed the door. He stood a moment on the landing as he composed himself and ran a finger around his collar- it really had been rather warm in that room- and made his way down the stairs for the third time that morning.

His thoughts were interrupted as he bumped into a large man at the bottom of the stairs.

“And what the hell do you think you’re doing? I was boxing champion at Harrow in my day, and if you think you can just sneak out of my house like this you’ve got another thing coming. I’m the old fashioned type, even if it looks like I let my kids do anything they want...”

Shocked, Ianto realised what the older man, who he recognised as the head of the house, was saying. “Sir, I think you may have got the wrong end of the stick,” he stuttered. “I...I’m the new butler.”

Ianto was relieved to see Donna appear. “Mr Harkness, this really is the new butler, Mr Jones. He was just about to help me with a few things. It seems that Miss Gwen drove the Aston into the fishpond at the side of the garage last night- we have a few repairs to sort out. To both the Aston and the fishpond." Mr Harkness sighed resignedly as his new butler smiled and helped him out of his coat.

“Sorry about that, Jones...” he said before sighing again. “I’m going to head to the library for some peace and quiet with the Sunday Times. At least until this afternoon...”

“Well, Ianto, do you get the idea?” Donna laughed as she led him back downstairs to his room.

***