"My Man Ianto" Chapter 1

[wanda1969]

 

Title: “My Man Ianto”
Author: wanda1969

Betaed by  janiemc

Prompt: “My Man Godfrey” (1936)
Pairing(s): Jack/Ianto. Other characters: Owen Harper, Rhys Williams, Donna Noble, John Hart
Rating: PG13
Warnings: Again, I can’t think of anything offensive in here...
Spoilers: Spoilers for the film My Man Godfrey- none for Torchwood that I can think of.
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood or My Man Godfrey, the plots and characters of which belong to their respective writers. I am just borrowing the characters and putting them in the film.

Summary: One night rich layabout Jack Harkness meets a young man down on his luck, and offers him the job of family butler....

If you haven’t seen the film and want to, it’s available on imdb  My Man Godfrey

 

“My Man Ianto”

Chapter 1

Ianto took the last gulp from his bottle of beer, and looked around at his four drinking ‘companions’ as he swallowed. The only one of them, Steve (who was still awake, but somewhat stupefied), was still upright, slumped against a small pile of tyres staring into the fire he’d built outside the abandoned dockside warehouse. The other three had passed out some time ago on a couple of fly tipped sofas. He put his empty bottle down and sighed; it was about time he made a move.

He was just about to get up from the beer crate he’d been sitting on, when he heard a car- make that two cars, he thought to himself as he looked behind him. He was just getting ready to lean forward and attempt to warn the others, when he realized the two cars weren’t the type that you usually saw down at Cardiff docks at 11pm on a Friday night. One was a small red sporty model, the other a top of the range 4x4. The vehicles came closer, finally coming to a halt some distance from him.

His suspicion that the vehicles and their occupants were not regular visitors to the docks were confirmed when the door of the red sporty number flew open and out got a well dressed, dark haired woman who started towards him. She definitely didn’t belong there; she was wearing dark trousers, knee high boots and a leather jacket. A well built man got out of the other side of the car and followed in her wake. Within seconds the door of the 4x4 had opened and a man dressed in an immaculate suit, and deep blue silk shirt (no tie) was chasing after the woman.

“Gwen! Now this is just cheating! I told you about this place!” he said petulantly in an American accent.

“All’s fair in war, Jack!” she laughed heading right over to the group of men. She stopped a couple of yards away from them and looked between them, before her eyes settled on Ianto. He looked the most coherent and conscious of the group.

“Hi!” she smiled, showing off a gappy grin. Now this one sounded Welsh. “How’d you like to earn twenty quid?”

Ianto’s interest was piqued. “I don’t want to seem inquisitive, but what exactly would I have to do for twenty quid?”

“Just come along with me to the St David’s Hotel, see some people, and then we’ll bring you right back,” she replied breezily.

“And why would anyone at St David’s Hotel want to see me, of all people?”

“Well, we’re having a bit of a fundraiser, a Scavenger Hunt. You know- where you’re given a list of things to find? And I’ll win if I get back first with a down and out…” she paused, and tried to think of a more politically correct way of phrasing it as she saw the young man’s eyebrows raise. “I mean a homeless person- a forgotten man…Anyway, do you want the twenty pounds or not?”

“You, know, I’m not sure I do.” Ianto said standing up and looking into the woman’s eyes. “And I’m not sure I want to take part in your stupid rich kids’ games.”

“It’s for charity- and I’d be giving you twenty pounds, so you could call that charity too….” She said as she backed away. It was then that she stumbled, the heel of her boot catching in one of the plastic bags which were blowing about, and fell into a muddy puddle.

Ianto heard a gasp, and turned to see the American suddenly burst into laughter, unable to contain himself.

“Shit!” she muttered before shouting over to the well built man. “Rhys, help me up!”

The woman, ‘Gwen’ Ianto supposed, was sounding agitated now. “My clothes are ruined- I’m going to have to call back home to change.” As ‘Rhys’ took her arm about to guide her back to their car, she turned to Ianto. “And I don’t need you to win. You’ve lost out on that twenty pounds.”

“C’mon Gwen. We’re leaving,” Rhys said under his breath as they walked away.

“Well, that’s about one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time- and it’s about time someone said no to Gwen!” the American said as his laughter died down and he faced Ianto. “Y’know it’s almost worth losing the Hunt, just to see that. A pity she’s still in with a chance of winning, though… she’s always had to win everything even when we were kids.”

“Old school friends?” Ianto asked.

The American laughed again. “Old friends? God, no! She’s my stepsister!”

“Stepsister? I guess that’d explain why you don’t sound Welsh then?”

“Yeah. Nothing gets past you, does it? Funny though, the Welsh sounds good on you! Growing up with Gwen and my step mum, I never really noticed how beautiful all those vowels could sound…” the man said as he stared at Ianto with a grin.

Ianto wasn’t sure why, but he suddenly found himself wanting to help the man beat Gwen. He had a suspicion that it had something to do with the American’s bright, blue eyes and easy lop-sided smile. “If I was to go with you, would you win the Scavenger Hunt?”

“Well, yeah- but I didn’t want to ask…”

“Come on then, let’s go and beat her!”

“Are you sure?” he asked and Ianto nodded. “Ok then, come on…By the way, I’m Jack.”

“I know, I heard. And I’m Ianto.”

“Ianto- I like that. Lots of those lovely Welsh vowels again,” Jack said smiling at him distractedly. “Anyway let’s get going.”

***

Jack Harkness Senior sat at the bar of the St David’s Hotel, staring into his glass of Scotch. He was bored. Yet again he’d let that family of his talk him into attending another one of their childish fundraisers, along with its puerile Scavenger Hunt competition. Whoever thought that these events were a wise way for the idle rich to spend their time had obviously never had the misfortune to have to spend an evening at one. He took a rather large mouthful of the Scotch and reflected that things could have been worse; his wife might not have been taking part in the Scavenger Hunt, and could be here, wittering on at him…

He looked down the bar and spotted an equally bored looking middle aged man. ‘Another charity event widower,’ he thought to himself, as the two men smiled at each other thinly.

“Henry Peters,” the other man said introducing himself as he stared around the bar miserably. “It’s like an insane asylum in here tonight.”

“Jack Harkness. Welcome to the madness! And you know what they say about insane asylums? All you need is an empty room and the right kind of people. And if my family are here, they’ve certainly got the right kind of people…”

The other man laughed, as he looked out into the foyer of the hotel only to see a woman in a cocktail dress leading a goat through the throng of partygoers. “You could be right! God, have you seen that dizzy looking one with the goat?”

Mr Harkness looked over. “Oh, that one-I’m afraid so; that’s Mrs Harkness…”

“I’m sorry…”

“Well now you know how I’ve felt for the last fifteen years.” Mr Harkness said as he turned back to his whisky.

***

Twenty minutes later found Jack and Ianto walking into the St David’s Hotel foyer and into its largest function room. The room was in absolute chaos, with groups of people carrying an assortment of objects from abacuses to zoetropes, and some were even leading various animals through the room.

Ianto even spotted a woman with a goat. He was even more surprised when she rushed over to Jack, a wiry blond haired man trailing after her.

“Jack!” she screeched as she caught up with him and eyed Ianto curiously. “Who’s this?”

“Oh, this is Ianto. Ianto, meet my step mother. And John Hart.” Before Ianto could say anything Jack was speaking again. “I’m sorry I have to rush. Come on! We have to take you to the verifying committee,” he urged as he took Ianto’s hand and pulled him away through the crowds, towards a long table at the far end of the room.

“Ah, Jack Harkness, what have you got for us?” a man behind the tables said as he reached over to a list of names.

“Ianto, he’s a forgotten man- a homeless person.”

The man behind the table eyed them suspiciously as he took in Ianto’s shabby appearance- a woolly hat, a rather worn coat with a hoodie protruding over the collar, and some distinctly shoddy jeans- before looking at the young man’s unkempt beard.

“I’m afraid if you don’t mind I’m going to have to just- touch- that beard?”

“And why would you have to do that?” Ianto said defensively.

“Well, we’ve had a few groups trying to cheat- one even dressed up one of their own party and gave him a false beard.”

Reluctantly, Ianto let the man lean forward a pull on his stubble.

“Yep- real enough. And he even smells of beer, too! Right, added to your earlier tally and not forgetting the fireman’s helmet, the policeman’s helmet and the district judge’s wig- which was a hat trick, by the way…that brings your score to …1050.” He looked around the table until he found a microphone. “Quiet, please! Quiet! We have a winner- the first contestant past the 1000 point mark, and therefore the winner, is Jack Harkness, who has brought back an impressive number of the items on the list, including a forgotten man- a down and out!”

As the room became quiet, several guests looked over at the winner and his ‘forgotten man’. One man took a swig of his cocktail before shouting out. “Go on, Jack- let him give us a speech!”

Ianto had had a shit day- scratch that, a shit week- and it was with a pinch of mischievousness that he grabbed the mic. He was sure that no-one here would recognise him, especially dressed like this, and wearing that (now verified) beard.

“My purpose in coming here was twofold. Firstly to help Mr Harkness here to win the Scavenger Hunt, but secondly to see how a group of self absorbed nitwits with more money than sense spend their evenings these days. That done I intend to leave. Good evening.”

Ianto turned and walked with as much dignity as he could muster through the rather stunned and silent room and towards the main doors.

“Wait! Ianto! Don’t go! I haven’t thanked you yet.”

The Welshman had reached the doors and stopped to look behind him. Jack had caught up with him.

“Look, you’ve beaten Gwen- that’s thanks enough.”

“Yeah,” the American grinned at him. “But you did something for me- I ought to do something for you. It only seems fair. Gwen was going to give you twenty pounds…”

“Look, Jack. I don’t want your charity, much as twenty quid’s always welcome.”

“But there must be something?”

“Nope, not unless you’ve got a job?” Ianto said. “I’ve always preferred to do an honest day’s work if I’m going to get any money.”

“Well, no- not unless you can ‘butle’?”

“’Butle’?”

“’Butle’- you know like a butler. Ours quit last week. I don’t suppose you’ve ever been a butler?” Jack asked.

“No, I can’t say I have, but I’ think I have a fairly good idea what’s involved…”

Unfortunately, the woman that Ianto recognized as Jack’s stepmother was hurtling towards the two men, her hand still holding onto a piece of string securing the goat he’d seen earlier.  “Jack! Found you at last. Your father and I are heading home now. What’re you doing here? Aren’t you collecting your prize?”

“No, they can keep the prize. And I was talking to Ianto.”

“You can’t stand around talking to this man- what will everyone think?” his stepmother asked incredulously as she eyed the ‘down and out’ with obvious disgust.

“I don’t care what they think, and anyway, Ianto’s going to be our new butler.”

“Jack, darling,” Mrs Harkness said patiently. “This man can’t be our butler…”

“Why not? You’ve got your projects? Look at John- and he doesn’t even do anything useful. Just sits around all day splashing paint around. At least Ianto would be doing a proper job. And you know Sanderson left last week after John freaked him out with that naked arts project in the Morning Room…” Jack pouted in what ought to be a very childish manner, but yet he managed to look really quite endearing.

“There’s a difference, Jack. I’m John’s patron- all new artists need looking after and helping out.”

“And that’s what I’d be doing- looking after Ianto and helping him back into work.”

Mrs Harkness faced Ianto, and put on her best authoritative and dismissive Welsh tone- the kind that Ianto remembered from his childhood and school. “Thank you for helping, now run along, little man, and don’t listen to my stepson- he can be very impulsive!”

“He will not run along and I am not impulsive,” Jack almost shouted.

“Well there was that time you tried to climb the Millennium centre after the Barnardo’s charity ball- I’d say that was pretty impulsive and then…Ah, Gwen you’re back!” she said as Gwen swept in followed by Rhys and a man in his mid-thirties, bottle of vodka clutched in his hand.

“You’re a little too late, Gwen.” Jack said proudly. “I win this time.”

There was a peeved expression on her face as she recognized Ianto from earlier. “So you got him to come with you?”

Mrs Harkness looked confused “You know him? Jack here wants him to be our butler. Tell your brother what a stupid idea that is!”

“Oh, I don’t know- I think he’d make a very good butler,” Gwen said slowly. There was a look on her face which Ianto took to be Gwen inwardly plotting her revenge for not winning the Scavenger Hunt.

“I think I’d make a very good butler, too,” he said- this family certainly provided entertainment and Ianto was starting to see it as a challenge to make sure that he did indeed become a new addition to the Harkness family’s staff.

“Don’t be ridiculous Gwen. And I’m not sticking around to hear any more of this nonsense. If only I’d realized before now that insanity runs in your father’s family,” she said, pointedly looking at Jack, before sweeping out through the hotel foyer.

“Well, I hope for your sake, that you’re very good at shining shoes and taking orders. I give you a week.” She gave the Welshman a look of disdain as she headed towards the exit too. “Come on Rhys, we’re going.”

“Well done, Jack. And good night.” He said apologetically as he trailed after Gwen, her ‘down and out’ following him, still happily clutching the vodka bottle.

“Thanks Rhys- good night.”

“God! I feel sorry for him!” Ianto said as soon as his fellow Welshman was out of earshot. “Anyway, I think we’d better forget this butler idea.”

“No, we won’t. I think you’ll make a wonderful butler.” Jack fished a card out of his inside jacket pocket. “Here’s the address. Come by tomorrow- no make that Sunday morning; I’m visiting friends all day tomorrow. And you’ll need to get yourself some clothes.” Along with the card, he handed what looked like at least five twenty pound notes.

“I told you, I don’t need your charity…”

“This isn’t charity, Ianto. The clothes are for work, and if it makes you feel any better I’ll make it an advance on your wages,” he said.

“Ok, ok- I’ll see you on Sunday, then.” And with that Ianto turned and walked through the foyer.

“See you!” Jack shouted after him, and was pleased to see the Welshman turn slightly and give a wave as he left.

***

Jack Harkness Jnr stared after Ianto as he left. That guy was interesting;  he certainly didn’t sound as if he should be living at Cardiff docks, not with that lovely Welsh accent, and he loved the way that he’d told that entire room that they were ‘nitwits’…

It was a pity about the beard though.

He hoped against hope that Ianto would turn up on Sunday. Helping Ianto get a new life was going to give him something to do, a purpose.

***