Torchwood characters shoehorned into a rather unexciting Charlie's Angels adventure! No Charlie's Angels characters in this though!A/N:
This fic is gwen-bashing
. After a conversation where I worried that TW would turn into "Gwen's Angels" (god forgive!) I came up with this, instead, on Sunday afternoon (nothing on the telly!), as a minor showcase for Gwen's ineptitude....DOES THIS COUNT AS A
I have never written fanfiction in my life, and this is completely unedited or corrected! So any mistakes are my own. It is purposely written in the TW fanfiction stylee....
I am also painfully aware that I have failed to write GOOD kick arse women- a bit like the writers of CoE- however I am not paid to be GOOD at this! Maybe next time... if there is a next time....
“Once upon a time, there were three very different little girls... who grew up to be three very different women. But they have three things in common: They're brilliant, they're beautiful and they work for me. My name is Jack.....”
Torchwood Villa was a large Victorian mansion in extensive gardens located in the most exclusive suburb on the outskirts of Cardiff; during the 19th Century this was where Wales’ wealthiest industrialists had chosen to build their homes. It was now owned by the reclusive American millionaire, Jack Harkness. He hadn’t always hidden from the public eye. At one time, he had been seen at every high profile party and charity event on the social circuit- it was at one of these events he had met (and subsequently married) the beautiful socialite Estelle. Happiness had been short-lived, though, and Estelle had died tragically after 3 happy years of marriage. Now, Jack ran the Torchwood Private Detective Agency, consulted by the rich and famous keen to keep their private lives and business just that- private. His investigators were a group of elite women known, in the ‘right’ circles, for their discretion....
“....... and I’ve already received letters of commendation and thanks and medals for the Order of Batavia from the Indonesian Prime Minister for your help in solving the case! Well done, Angels! You all must be tired after the flight back from Jakarta- I think you’ve all earned a well-deserved long weekend off....Go home! Get some rest! Have some fun- you know what I mean! I’ll see you all at noon on Tuesday- we already have another case, ” Jack’s voice addressed the 3 Angels sprawled on the 3 leather sofas in the library cum drawing room, which served as the briefing room for the Agency at Torchwood Villa.
“Thanks Jack!”, the Angels smiled up at the CCTV camera, mounted high on the wall- they knew that their reclusive employer was watching them from somewhere in the world.
Gwen Williams, shifted on the sofa giving her best wide-eyed smile and showing off her cleavage. She was an ex-WPC and the most recent recruit, chosen to replace Suzie- life with the Angels had proved too much for Suzie and she’d left 2 years previously. Gwen was the only married member of the team and, despite her recent marriage to Rhys, on first seeing Torchwood Villa she had tracked down as much information about the owner as possible. She had needed the help of her ex-colleagues at the Central Cardiff Police station- she had only been a “bobby on the beat” and research wasn’t her strong point. What she learned amazed her- the last owner listed at the Land Registry was one Jack Harkness. Prior to his marriage he had been one of Britain’s (if not the world’s) most eligible bachelors, known for his good looks and acute business sense. Business sense which had enabled him to amass millions by investing in some of the most successful and lucrative companies in the world. She told herself that, although she loved Rhys, Jack Harkness could offer her the life that she could most definately become accustomed to.....and it was only a matter of time before he came out of his self-imposed seclusion if she played her cards right.....
Ianto Jones, Jack’s right hand man and assistant, slumped in a large leather chair, behind a leather topped desk- he’d accompanied the Angels to Indonesia and it had been a hectic couple of weeks. He gritted his teeth and rolled his eyes towords the ceiling as Gwen grinned at the camera.
He wasn’t the only one- there was no love lost between Gwen and the two other Angels; Toshiko Sato (Tosh for short) had been an internationally renowned computer specialist and general technical expert, and to add to her abilities she was also an expert in karate and aikido. Johnson (she was notoriously secretive about her personal life, and only Jack and Ianto knew her true Christian name) had worked for UNIT’s most skilled corps and been seconded at one time to MI6.
“Go home Angels- I’ll see you all on Tuesday. 12 pm sharp! Have a good weekend,” Jack’s voice said through the wall mounted speakers.
When she was sure that Jack was no longer listening, Gwen pulled herself to her feet from the sofa, looking at Tosh, Johnson and Ianto in turn before announcing “Well that’s me off, then, even if you three don’t have anything to get back home to! I ‘phoned Rhys when we landed and he’s preparing a romantic meal...lasagne, wine, candles...he’s missed me. Poor love, this job’s hard on him!”. Again, Ianto gritted his teeth before Gwen turned on her heel, a sway on her hips, shouting behind her, “See you all on Tuesday!”.
There was silence in the room as the door closed behind Gwen, before Johnson stood, followed by Tosh.
“Well, I guess I need to get home and get some rest, too. Need a lift, Tosh?”
“Thanks Johnson. I’d best get some work done on that tracking programme I started before we left. See you, Ianto”
“Have a good weekend, you two,” Ianto called as they headed for the door.
“You, too Ianto! And get some bloody sleep- you look bloody knackered!” Johnson said.
As soon as he heard the door close behind them, Ianto let out a tired sigh before he allowed his head to drop to the desk top. Sometimes he wondered what he was doing working with the Angels- especially since Gwen’s arrival. A nice, quiet job at Cardiff library suddenly seemed very appealing.
He only lifted his head and leant back in his chair when he heard the door opening a few minutes later. He looked towards the door to see Jack there, arms folded and leaning against the door frame, smiling.
“Missed you,” Jack said quietly as he walked up behind Ianto and placed his hands on Ianto’s shoulders and then started to gently massage the stiff muscles. “God, you’re tense, Ianto!”
“You’d be bloody tense, too, if you’d just spent close to 20 hours on a ‘plane listening to Williams’ inane babbling. Added to that, she only went and pulled one of the guests in the hotel! Again! That was the last straw! That’s all I needed after nearly two weeks without sex- a room next to Gwen and another of her conquests!” Ianto replied tersely.
Jack chuckled. “Mm! She’s not the most subtle of the Angels is she?”
“You can say that again!”
“I blame recruiting her on you, you know” Jack chuckled again.
“And HOW exactly do you make that out, Sir?”
“Well, perhaps if you hadn’t been wearing my favourite red silk lined suit when you were interviewing her, I may have paid more attention to her responses. I thought she may be a bit more outgoing than the rest of the team- I just didn’t realise exactly how much MORE ‘outgoing’...!” Jack said as he thought back to Gwen’s interview and remembered that at the time he had been so transfixed with watching Ianto via the CCTV, that the interview had been a bit of a blur. “Yep, definately NOT one of my best recruitment decisions! Unlike you, of course....”
Ianto snorted out a quiet laugh.
Jack leant forward. “Now, what do you say to me running you a nice hot bath and seeing if we can’t sort out some of this...stiffness?” he smiled and whispered into Ianto’s ear, placing extra emphasis on the last word. “And we also have all weekend to see if we can work out some of your other frustrations....”
“That’s the best bloody thing I’ve heard in two weeks!” Ianto moaned as Jack pulled him up from the chair.
It was half past noon on Tuesday and Toshiko Sato and Johnson sat on the sofas in the Torchwood briefing room, each enjoying a cup of Ianto’s Javan coffee- he’d picked up some specially roasted beans while they’d been on the case in Indonesia.
“Mm! This is excellent Ianto!” Johnson said in appreciation, before looking at her watch. “For Christ’s sake! Where IS she? We were supposed to start at noon!”
The door opened and Gwen breezed in cheerily. “Sorry I’m late, love!” she said looking over at Ianto. “I’ve been so tired this weekend and Rhys had the morning off- I couldn’t just leave him, he’s been so lonely these past couple of weeks” she continued as she sat down before smiling winningly at the CCTV camera- she knew Jack wouldn’t start the briefing until he knew they were all assembled. “Ooh, that coffee smells spectacular! Any chance of a cup, Ianto?”
“Sorry Gwen, we finished the pot, I’m afraid. I had it ready for 12”, he replied from his seat behind the desk as civilly as he could. He could have sworn he heard a barely suppressed growl from Johnson, and he himself managed to conceal a smirk. He had a sneaky liking for Johnson which he knew came from her simmering dislike for Gwen– but her years with UNIT had taught her to be a consummate professional, and she tolerated working with the ex-WPC. Tosh’s Japanese heritage and schooling, meant that her biggest reaction Gwen’s comments was usually an exasperated sigh.
“Good afternoon, Angels! You’re looking GOOD!”
Gwen preened as they all responded “Good afternoon, Jack!”
“Well, I hope you’re all refreshed? And I’m sure you’ll all be pleased to know that this case is a bit closer to home, and should mean that you’ll all be back at home after this weekend”
Gwen grumbled under her breath- she’d been hoping for another consecutive weekend with Rhys.
Jack ignored her and continued, “We’ve been contacted by Sheik Ahmedabadi, who owns the international Ahmedabadi hotel and spa chain.” Gwen’s eyes lit up at this comment.
“He owns the exclusive Buwith Health Spa, sometimes known as ‘The Farm’, on the Welsh borders, one of Europe’s most expensive health farms and cosmetic surgery clinics... and it seems that there have been a series of thefts from some of his most valued guests. And when you realise the calibre of these guests, it won’t surprise you to find out that this has included the theft of some very expensive jewellery. Not wanting bad publicity, the Sheik himself has compensated the guests, but his own private bodyguard have investigated and drawn a blank. Recently, however, there have been accusations over the theft of some very valuable..er..shall we call it “industrial information", and also political information. Our mission, as you have probably guessed, is to go undercover and find the culprit. At least most of you should be able to get some pampering after your success in Indonesia!”
“Ianto has prepared a set of files for you all with your fictitous identities and backstories, but to summarise: You, Johnson, will be booked into a room as Camilla Johnson, heiress. Toshiko, you are booked into the suite next door with Ianto, as Toshiko and Ianto Jones.Your back story is that you and Ianto are the heads of the Sato Corporation, a corporation dealing with pacific rim shares and IT investment in China. Don’t worry, Tosh,” Jack laughed. “It’s a two bedroomed suite, so that ‘Mr Jones’ has a separate , quiet room to conduct his internet business!”
“No problem, Jack. I’m sure we can keep it professional,” Tosh joked.
“Finally, you, Gwen, will go undercover in the housekeeping department as a chambermaid.”
Gwen spluttered. “Really, Jack, are sure that’s the right role for me? After all, I can’t even hoover! I mean, surely Tosh or..or Johnson would be more suited to that? Rhys does all the cooking and cleaning at home! My jobs with the police and here, with you, are so important I never do housework!” she said indignantly. From the corner of his eye Ianto could see both Tosh and Johnson bristling at Gwen’s comments, as Gwen herself pouted in her seat on the settee.
“Gwen, it’s a very, very important role. And with your down to earth nature, and people skills from the police, you’re ideal. Remember, the housekeeping section has access to all the rooms on a daily basis! Ianto has arranged with the Sheik’s international business manager for your duties to be minimised- subtlely, so you can investigate the other staff”.
In the next room, Jack smiled- this very weekend, when he and Ianto had discussed the plans, Ianto had downright refused to be “married” to Gwen. Or, indeed, Johnson (but that was for quite different reasons- he knew she enjoyed her privacy, and didn’t enjoy masquerading as his “wife”). To add to his argument, Ianto had also threatened to move into one of the many guestrooms at Torchwood Villa if Gwen was going to be “Mrs Jones” for the next few days- faced with this threat, Jack had more than happily agreed with Ianto.
“Right, Angels! Go home get some sleep, and read up on the facts of the case, and report back here at 8am- we are ALL setting out at 9am prompt; no exceptions,Gwen. And Ianto and I have sorted out suitable cars for your stay.”
By midday on Wednesday the Angels and Ianto had arrived at “The Farm”. It was a large Georgian stately home in rolling border countryside which had been converted by the Ahmedabadi chain around ten years ago and quickly developed a reputation as THE place for celebrities to have treatments- botox, implants and so on- without any of the gossip magazines or tabloids being any the wiser.
Ianto and Tosh had arrived in one of Jack’s extensive collection of cars, an Aston Martin, as befitted their status as the husband and wife team behind a successful business, and booked into their suite, scanning for any form of covert surveillance; for all they knew this could be a high level inside job. The plan was to then spend the first half day exploring the Spa and Clinic, to observe the general set-up and the guests, especially some of the more long term or frequent guests. Ianto wasn’t really one for spa treatments, but he allowed himself to enjoy a massage followed by a manicure and a pedicure, before returning to his and Tosh’s suite on the pretext of catching up with developments at the Tokyo branch of the Sato Corporation. In reality, he was continuing with his research on the staff and guests at “The Farm”, while Tosh was getting to know some of the other guests in the ladies’ steam rooms and turkish baths.
Gwen had arrived at The Farm at 11am, and had quickly been introduced to the other houskeeping staff. They seemed to roughly be divided equally into 2 categories; local Welsh workers and Eastern European workers (some of them students, others qualified professionals making enough of a good wage to send money back to their respective countries when the considerable tips from the guests were added in). She had gossiped with them all, but most of the local workers were school leavers and didn’t seem to have the capabilities to be involved in high level jewellery or industrial espionage. The European workers were a different matter on that score, but were dedicted to their work in order to fund their families back home or their future careers.
By the time it came round to the end of the day, she thanked the Gods that today she had only been shadowing the other workers – she was NOT looking forward to tomorrow when her shifts would start in earnest. It would mean an early start and hard work. She inwardly cursed the Torchwood Agency - especially when she thought of Johnson, Tosh and Ianto enjoying their five star stay- as she was shown to a small (but by no means dingy or squalid) room in the staff quarters which was reserved for workers who didn’t live nearby. She was also still a bit miffed that she had been allocated the rusty Peugeot 206....
Meanwhile, Johnson spent the afternoon in the gym after booking into Room 11. Always athletic, the physical (not to mention, mental) challenges had been one of the major draws to undercover and special operations work, whether it was with the Torchwood Agency or UNIT, and she loved mixing with like minded people. She chatted to the personal trainers and other gym users; all seemed genuine and the fitness professionals were just too dedicated to their jobs to put them in jeopardy!
Toshiko returned to the suite, only to see the sitting room empty; Ianto was probably resting in the smaller of the two bedrooms. She closed the door to the room as silently as possible, and turned back towards the sitting room. It was only then that she heard Ianto’s voice from the bedroom, where he was on the telephone.
“Of course I miss you.......................you know I do, especially after 2 bloody weeks away... ”
She smiled. She and Ianto were friendly, but not overly so, and she knew Ianto had lost his fiancee, Lisa, shortly before coming to work for Jack. Well, it seemed he had found someone else at last!
“....No...................No. Nothing as yet. Tosh had already run background checks on the staff and guests, and I’ve just been doing some further research......................Well, we’ll meet up with Johnson at dinner.................No, we’ll pretend it’s a coincidence........old friends who haven’t seen each other for ages...............”
Tosh’s smile turned into a frown- what the hell did Ianto think he was doing? Talking about the case to his girlfriend?
“...well, as far as I’m concerned, you know I want this case wrapped up as soon as possible, so I can get home to you.................well, I’d hardly say it was my fault.......It’s you who keeps accepting cases which involve me coming along with the Angels, Jack......”
At this, Tosh’s jaw dropped open as her brain put 2 and 2 together- Ianto was seeing Jack! God, she hadn’t seen that one coming! Suddenly, her inner self laughed. If only Gwen knew! For two years she had had to put up with Gwen pouting and preening at that bloody CCTV camera (at Jack!) at briefings, purposely wriggling at the camera in those low cut tops and skin tight trousers, and all the while she had a boyfriend, now husband, at home. No, she would keep Ianto and Jack’s secret- she respected Ianto too much to get cheap revenge.
She turned, and loudly opened the suite door and even more loudly closed it.
“Hi, Ianto are you there! I’m back!”
Ianto emerged from the bedroom; he’d obviously rung off as soon as he’d heard the door open.
“Hi Tosh. Let’s get ready for dinner and meet up with Johnson- see what we’ve all found out.”
Tosh and Ianto entered the bar for pre-dinner drinks. They were an elegant couple; she in an understated black V-necked dress and pearls, he in well-fitting dark trousers with a deep red silk shirt with matching tie a few shades deeper. She looked him up and down admiringly, and suddenly became aware that she’d never really looked at him before; he really was quite stunning. The looks from the other women in the bar told her that she was not alone in these thoughts.
They both spotted Johnson at the bar with a Perrier water.
“Oh, my God, Tosh! Is that Camilla!?” Ianto said loudly enough, but not too loudly, for the staff and other patrons to register the couple’s surprise.
“Fancy seeing you here, Camilla! What a surprise- You hardly need the health farm treatment! How are you? And how is your brother? I haven’t seen him since Cannes last year,” Toshiko cried as she and Ianto reached the bar.
“Oh, MY GOD! Lovely to see you!” Johnson intoned as the three greeted each other with several ostentatious ‘air kisses’, before retiring to a quiet table to ‘catch up’ whilst their dinner table (now for three) was prepared.
The table was secluded and the three ‘old friends’ had managed to discuss their findings.
“...so to summarise,” Johnson said, “the guests and staff seem kosher. The only place we haven’t had time to visit yet is the clinic. Which, from my research, is very interesting. The medical consultant is one Dr Owen Harper. Excellent qualifications, worked in Harley Street before coming here, but a bit of a wide boy and ladies man- loves the limelight; you know, trips to Mustique and so on. You know, he even comes to work in a Ferrari...and apparently owns a Bugatti...”
“Ah, yes.....” murmured Ianto, “He’s definately well paid, but all my information points to him living well beyond his means...”
Tosh looked at the other two as Johson continued, “Well, I have a consultation booked with him for 11am tomorrow.... let’s see what I can find out.”
By the mid evening, Gwen was well and truly bored. One of the other staff had shown her a staff room just down the corridor from her quarters, so she decided to check it out.
As she entered, she rolled her eyes- the room looked well and truly deserted. But it had a television, so she looked around for the remote control. It was then that she noticed the slim, wiry man in a white coat sat in the corner on a low, comfortable chair, his legs stretched out and crossed on the coffee table in front of him, a glass in his hand. As her eyes roamed down his legs, she noted the half empty bottle of Glenmorangie near his feet.
“And hello to you! Dr Owen Harper. And you are?” he slurred, eyes looking her up and down.
“Gwen. Gwen Willliams. Just started today.”
Some hours later, Gwen let out an exhausted sigh as she rolled off Dr Owen Harper, and then reached for the bottle of Glenmorangie on the bedside table next to the small bed in her staff bedroom.
“You don’t seem like a typical chambermaid,” Owen said.
“Well, you know, hard times at the moment.....global recession and all that, bills to pay....”. She passed the bottle of Scotch to Owen after taking a swig.
“What d’you used to do?”
Gwen wrakked her brains for something impressive. “Y’ know....investment- stocks shares. See how that ended up......had to come back to Wales. Not much work round here for City traders”
“I know the feeling....half this lot can only just afford their Botox these days. As soon as I can get out of this place, I’m out of here. Hate the bloody countyside, and this place is in the middle of nowhere. Sheep bloody everywhere.”
“Yeah!” she laughed. “So, what’s your plan?”
“Got some....investments, shall we call ‘em? When I.....cash them in.... I’m off! Sun, sea, servants- here I come!”
“Where you off to then?”
“Anywhere equatorial!” he smiled.
There was silence as they both took a drink from the bottle.
“So, tomorrow- your first day on the rooms, then?”
“You’re obviously a bit too good for that! Bet you’re used to this lifestyle more than half the tossers here.”
Gwen took that as a compliment. “Yeah, but needs must.”
“What time you up?”
“Bloody 5.30!” she giggled.
He grabbed the bottle off Gwen, placed it on the bedside table and, after a repeat of their earlier activities, when Gwen was asleep, he gently eased himself out of bed, dressed and pocketed the access all areas pass-card that she’d carelessly left out just next to the Scotch.
Day 2 at the Farm.
Gwen knocked on the door of suite 12 on Thursday morning, only to be answered by her colleagues, Toshiko Sato and Ianto Jones. Luckily she hadn’t had to admit that she’d lost the pass-card yet. As a new worker, she was working in a pair with another chambermaid.
“Yes please, do come in,” said Ianto, ignoring her misarable tone.
Once the door was closed the three sat down started to talk, with Gwen first complaining loudly that she shoulddn’t have been the one assigned to the Housekeeping section. Another knock announced the arrival of Johnson.
“...So, all in all, the main lead at the moment is Dr Owen Harper,” said Johnson.
“Nope, definately not! Met him in...” Gwen paused, “..the staff room last night. Seemed lovely. Very genuine...... ”
Ianto rolled his eyes and lifted his eyebrows looking skywards, “Unless that man has won the bloody National Lottery, how the hell does he afford a Ferrari and a Bugatti? Not to mention the holidays?” After having been on several missions with Gwen, he just knew that, yet again, Gwen was completely blinkered when it came to their male suspects.
11 am came and ‘Camilla Johnson’ was shown into the consulting room of Dr Owen Harper.
“Sit down, Miss Johnson,” he said cheerily. “And what can we do for you?”
“Well, I was just thinking... a bit of a lift. I’ve been looking a bit.....tired. Y’know, ......I just LOOK tired. I don’t know, I might need a bit of a lift....or Botox, or something....”
“Ah, Mrs Johnson,” Dr Harper leant over her as he inspected her face and said in an almost predatory way, “YOU need nothing at all...”
Then Johnson noticed something change- Dr Harper was staring intently at her necklace. Ianto had brought it along, and insisted that she wear it for her consultation. It was a spectacularly cut 10 carat diamond suspended on a chain of smaller diamonds.
“......Actually, perhaps we could do something for you....We have a rather, new, effective treatment-similar to Botox, but it’s best if you sleep it off down here... 4pm OK with you? It should only take an hour before you feel right as rain. You won’t even feel groggy when you wake up at 5”
“Well, hi there, Gwen Williams! And how are you this fine day?” Dr Owen Harper, was overjoyed to see Gwen in the staff canteen this lunchtime- he was hoping to double check his information on the heiress, Camilla Johnson. “Busy day?”
“Haha, you know...no rest for the wicked! There’s not much exciting about being a chambermaid! How about you? And more to the point....are you free later....?” Gwen put on what she thought was her most appealing doe-eyed look.
“MMm....it’s a good day today. Last consultation at 4pm...patient out at 5-5.30. Should be free about 7....if you fancy meeting up for a bit of a..chat?”
“Oh, I’d love to Owen!”
“Yep..she’s a bit of an odd one, the 4 o’clock appointment..” Owen tried to sound casual as he spoke. “Reckon she’s a bit frigid- didn’t respond to the Harper charm. In fact, you probably do her room. Number 11- Camilla Johnson?”
Gwen stifled a giggle at the mention of her team mate. She’d always thought that Johnson was somewhat asexual. Even if she didn’t know Johnson that well, she could testify that there was no evidence of ‘extra curricular’ activity in Room 11.
“Wouldn’t surprise me in the least if she was frigid from what I’ve seen! That woman has no sign of friends in that room, never mind anything else.”
“OK....well, see you at 7 in the staff room?”
“I’ll be there!” Gwen smiled excitedly, turning to return to her shift, and completely olivious to the fact that Dr Harper was more interested in extracting information about the guests than their 7 o’clock tryst.....
Johnson reported about her consultation to the others.
“So, that’s how he does it! If he can’t get the stuff while they’re in the spa, he anaesthetises them and then just takes the goods while they’re knocked out!”
“Right- we leave the copy of the necklace up here, you have the “super” Botox.” Ianto said, but Johnson looked more than worried.
“My body is a fucking TEMPLE to fitness and health and you want that wanker to knock me out and Botox me??!” she hissed.
“Calm down!” Tosh calmed. “There’s another three of us here, Gwen’s shift is over by then, and no other robbery victims have reported any ill-effects...”
“OK, OK...If Ihave to...!”
At 3.30pm, Johnson turned up for her 4 O’clock appointment and was checked over by the clinical assistants. As the assistants had advised, she’d removed all jewellery and make-up.
She was shown into the treatment room and laid down onto the treatment bed. As Dr Harper slid the needle into her arm and pressed the plunger, she felt herself drift into a happy and relaxed state.... before she knew it, she was in a deep sleep.
In room 11, Toshiko Sato and Gwen Williams waited in the ensuite. Gwen had, again, been late for the stake out, so they had not had time to brief her on the details of exactly who the suspect was.
‘This is all very inconvenient,’ thought Gwen, ‘three hours to sort this out, before I meet Owen....’
They’d both changed into more suitable clothing (streamlined black trousers and tops) for the set-up, but Tosh couldn’t help noticing Gwen constantly checking her mascara in the en suite’s mirror. She let out an exasperated sigh, as she tapped her earpiece.
“Anything yet, Ianto?”
“Nope, Tosh...mind you, Johnson only went under ten minutes ago.” He was in the suite next door but had set up a small surveillance camera to check the corridor outside.
Gwen continued to re-apply her eyeliner and lipstick and Tosh sighed again.
“Don’t worry, Tosh,” Ianto said, “I have every belief that there is NO super Botox, and no danger- all Harper does is knock the patients out, and then lets psychology do the rest. They’ve been charged for the treatment, ergo it works in the patients’ minds.”
Tosh didn’t like to point out that her sigh hadn’t been caused by worry about Johnson, as she observed Gwen adjusting the trousers which were tucked into her 5 inch high stilletoes. ‘Five inch high stilletoes!!!’ Tosh thought, “This isn’t bloody ‘Ritzy’s’ nightclub, Cardiff!”
Before she had time to think further on the unsuitability of Gwen’s stilletoes, she heard Ianto through the earpiece- “He’s here- get ready!”
Tosh looked at Gwen and put a finger up to her lips as she drew her gun and flicked off the light above the mirror...”Sshh!”
Even as Gwen looked her uncomprehendingly, Tosh heard the door open and then close. She held up her gun-free hand indictaing that when she let it drop, it was the signal for her them to confront the suspect.
As Harper was convinced that Camilla Johnson was here alone, he took a cursory glance at the en suite, the door of which was slightly ajar. It was dark inside the bathroom, so he continued into the room and towards the dressing table.
As Dr Harper rifled through the drawers and held up a copy of the necklace, Tosh ran from the bathroom, pointing her gun at him.
“Hands up, Harper!”
Owen Harper, tunrned- as he saw the gun he dropped the necklace onto the table top and raised his hands.
Gwen chose this moment to follow, and she spotted Owen, hands raised, Tosh’s gun trained on him.
“Owen?” she questioned. In her surprise, one of her stilleto heels caught on the thick carpet and she stumbled forward. Before she could stop herself, she had fallen forward hitting her head on the base of the room’s wardrobe.
Before Tosh could avert her gaze from Dr Harper, the door to the room burst open and Ianto entered, stun-gun in hand, stepping over Gwen to join Toshiko.
“Right Harper! Stay still or I WILL stun you! That’s if ‘my wife’ doesn’t shoot you first... Keep your hands where we can see them...”
Harper let out a resigned sigh as he nodded, lowered his hands while Ianto walked forwards, produced a pair of handcuffs from his pocket and cuffed the medic.
After the police had cautioned Owen Harper, and discreetly led him out through the staff quarters, the three members of the Torchwood Agency gathered in suite 12. The police doctor had declared Johnson fit and well; as Ianto had suspected, there was no ‘special botox’- patients were just sedated, for whatever treatment, for long enough for Harper to enter their rooms and take what he needed to fund his ‘retirement plan’. Gwen had been diagnosed with concussion and was sleeping it off next door in Johnson’s room.
“Nope, Ianto. There’s no excuse! We have to speak to Jack! This is the straw that broke the camel’s back!” Harper had been right- there was no way that you could describe Johnson of being ‘groggy’ even after her experiences with the sedative.
“One,” she continued, “she slept with the suspect- for Christ’s sake- we’ve only been here for a day and a half! Two, she’s so stupid that she even allowed him to steal her computerised pass key! With which the suspect then proceeded to attempt to rob my room while I was bloody drugged!”
“Three,” Tosh joined in, “she was so late, as usual, for the stake-out that we didn’t have time to brief her. Not that she would have taken any notice. When the doctors were checking her out, all she was worried about was making sure she kept her rendezvous with Harper at 7 tonight!!!! And whether her eyeliner had smudged!!!!” Tosh’s voice had steadily been rising to levels that Ianto didn’t even know it could reach, even after 4 years of working together.
“And to top it off,” she persisted sarcastically, “You weren’t locked in that bloody en-suite with her- the only thing she was interested in was applying her mascara and some ‘lippy’. So much so, that when she deigned to join me in the apprehension of Harper, she got one of those bloody stilletoes caught in the carpet and knocked herself out!!”
“I know, I know,” Ianto sighed. “Jack’s well aware of some of the issues, but we still have a problem.......If we sack her it could put the Torchwood Agency’s entire private undercover detection services in jeopardy. She could be a loose cannon- we could all be exposed....”
Johnson looked thoughtful, and it wasn’t just the side effects of the sedative....
“When I worked for UNIT, not only did they have ways of making people talk, they had ways of making them NOT talk....ways of making them forget. A drug, Retcon was one....If I call some favours in quickly, we can tell bloody Rhys it was amnesia from the stilleto incident...” she mused. Tosh nodded enthusiastically.
“Right, I’ll call Jack. Johnson, make some enquiries....”
Several days later, Jack and Ianto were sitting on the sofa in Torchwood Villa’s private sitting room, glasses of wine in hand.
“Well, not exactly how I wanted things to go.”
“It’s not your fault, Jack, we tried to train her. We all tried to train her. Perhaps this should be a lesson. There’s no reason to hide away anymore, Jack. You need to get more involved. More involved with the Angels, more involved in the recruitment, the training. You really need to meet the team- whoever we end up recruiting as a replacement for Gwen.”
“You’re right, as always. I guess I just got into the habit of not wanting to meet people after Estelle...,” Jack put an arm around Ianto’s shoulders and pulled him closer. “How about we start next week?”
Tosh and Johnson were slumped on the sofas in the briefing room chatting animatedly, sipping at their cups of Ianto’s Javan coffee. Ianto smiled gently from behind the desk- none of them had realised exactly how divisive Gwen had been to the team, and he was amazed that without Gwen monopolising the conversation, they had all been able to chat for the last half hour.
He hauled himself up from his chair and sat on the arm of the remaining sofa.
“Well, I know I promised a briefing today, but I’d just like to say that there’s no need to worry- no cases have been booked this week.” Ianto smiled and paused looking towards the door, “It’s just that things are going to be a little different round here.”
As if on cue, the door opened. The two remaining Angels, turned to look at the stranger who walked into the room.
Johnson, and particularly Tosh, looked him up and down. He was tall, dark haired and good looking with piercing blue eyes and a more than attractive smile- maybe late thirties, or early forties, thought Tosh. Things were definately looking up; a male Angel, they both concluded silently.
The man walked up to Ianto and placed a hand on his shoulder.
“Hi, Angels- you really are looking fabulous today....Let me introduce myself- I’m Jack,” he said and smiled. “And, as Ianto has probably said, things are going to be a bit different ‘round here since the...er..departure..of Gwen.”
Both women’s eyes were wide and their eyes mouths were open.
Jack laughed. “Nice to meet you both- at last!” he said walking over and shaking their hands, and then he moved away to sit on the vacant sofa.
Ianto had magically produced a cup of coffee, which he handed to Jack before again taking up his place on the sofa arm. Tosh noticed the way that Jack paused briefly before taking the coffee, with a slight lingering touch to Ianto’s fingers. No wonder Ianto had missed him, she thought, thinking of the telephone converstation she’d overheard. And thank goodness Gwen had never seen Jack! Tosh had been far from oblivious to the way Gwen had looked longingly at the CCTV camera at briefings, even though she had no idea what Jack looked like.
“...And I want us ALL to be involved directly in recruitment, lest we make a similar mistake...” Jack laughed again. “Although I still say it was all Ianto’s fault- he should never have worn that god damned red silk lined suit at Gwen’s interview!”
Thinking back to dinner at The Farm, Tosh realised exactly what Jack meant.......red really WAS Ianto’s colour....